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WHAT DOES BEAUTY MEAN? - PART III.

Hello and welcome, 

today I will come back to my previous article and I will begin where I ended up. Last time I have told you that life prepared me something better and peppery after Mika and it did turned my life up side down. And I mean it. 

 

When I (we)  broke up with Mika I was up set just for a while because I realised I did not love him at all. So good for me. There was not passion, the spark I need in relationships - also, there was no spark in sex.  

 

One month passed by and at my work place was colleague, British and we will call him Josh. Josh was working at the restaurant for 2 yrs and he was quite funny, he seemed to me kind and he was not my type at all. But one day it changed and we flirted with each other and then the spark came up.. He invited me for a date night, brought me red rose... Ahhh how sweet, thoughtful. The dinner date was just fine, relaxing, he paid for dinner ( it was actually for the last time when he paid for something after it was only me) and then we went for a drink to my favourite Spanish bar. And then, ... We were like a rabbits all night and this normal in these times, right?

We were texting each other, he was txting me " Hey princess, how are you?" ; "How did you sleep?"; ... You know that girls... Sweet bullshits which are melting our vagina straight away and we want to ride the horse, aren´t we? Fast forward.... 

How did I say, we were like rabbits, well.... and the it all started to be nooooot goooood... And there we go!!! Yep, the warning signs again!!! But I did have the pink glasses on so I was not able to see the reality, I did not want to see the truth. I will start with those warning signals...

1. he is still smoking the weed - I personally hate drugs, any type of. Until today I actually don´t know how did I accept this fact..

2. he was all the time late for our meeting, date. Sometimes he came late for 3h. And for my birthday he kept me waiting for 2h and I have got as present the lottery ticket, flower, birthday card.. And I had to pay for my birthday dinner.. 

3. landlord kicked him out from his apartment, where he was living. He basically did not have money for the rent because he was betting and spent money for weed and his friends. So he was sleeping over at the "friends" houses and he also left work. 

4. after 5 months I got pregnant. I thought I will faint ... THAT!!!! WAS SHOCK FOR ME!!! O.M.G. So I was panicking and I did not know what am I going to do? I just knew I want this baby. I had a age and did not want to kill innocent life. And the reaction for my pregnancy? LOL, HOLD UP YOUR SELF GUYS ... THIS THE BEST... LOL.. "Are you kidding me? This is not mine?!! " LOL... What kind of idiot will tell you this..  

5. when I was 4 months pregnant, I (we) started to look for a living place for us and we could start to get ready for the parenthood. I was hoping, but not only me, he will kind of change - we thought he will stand up and take care of us and start to be responsible.  NOPE, it didn´t happen. Miracle did not happen.. LOL.. My pregnancy was really stressful. I found one double room for the begging and paid all costs.  He was coming home at 2am in the night and then left to work in the morning.. Argues on the daily basis and his aggressive attitude was showing off. Well, I didn´t enjoy my pregnancy at all. How I supposed to, right? Many friends of mine were considered about me and baby because I did  not have easy times, they were very supportive to me and little one. We were living there until February 2015. My sis was living in Bicester and her land lady had free flat to rent, so I just grab that opportunity to move there asap. Again, all cost went from my pocket. To get the basic furnishings I have got help from Johns mum  and I until today, I am appreciated for this kind help. The rest went again, from my own pocket.. Aaah, actually, John brought the old reclining sofa and then TV ... WELL DONE MAN!!

6. our gorgeous baby girl was born and I was alone for everything. I was feeding our baby, him and myself and I was paying all the bills. 

7.he had no job and he was not able to stay at one, so he couldn´t help me with bill, etc..

8. Christmas, anniversaries, mine or little ones birthdays, ... nothing...One of my birthdays I was surprised I have got a bday present. He gave me a new toilet seat.. LOL.. I did not know what that supposed to mean? Probably just I should start to dont give a shit anymore... OOhh yeah, once on Christmas I have got a wooden spoon for cooking and very cheap cosmetics from Poundland. I am not sassy, but I believe, that women out there would agree with me.  

9. and all that money I borrowed him and never seen them again... 

When I finally opened my eyes, my feelings were on zero. I just did not give a f*ck about him and kicked him out from the flat. He broke some of mine dishes, he was screaming at me I am fat cow, f*cking foreigner, bitch, witch and he hates me. He also called police for himself - 2x. And this process was going on and on.. It was his defend against the help I tried to provide him and tried to speak to him.. I did it wrong way probably.. For him was easier to just explode like a volcano. After time I got used to his moods, told him fuck off and it did not hurt me that much as it used to. What was quite surprising to me, he started to open up a little a bit and told me about his addiction to weed, betting and he did not know how to deal with his past.  

How did I mentioned I tried to help him and speak to him many times, I am basically very sensitive, empathetic human being. Well, if someone does not listen to you and do not take your advice.. You can not help them.

Anyway, all those situations just become more and more on daily basis and there was so much drama for nothing. He was always sorry, he always played the theatre for free  and he always promised to me (us) he will change him self. Well, all of this made me absolutely calm, because I knew it will never happen. Once he also threaten me with suicide. My respond to it was: " If you have balls, go and do that.. It might will make you feel better."   And what do you think? Yep, he didn´t do that.  I would not wish him to do that. That is not solution for me.. 

My next article I would like to write about part, when I was assaulted by John and how did we deal with reality I decided to move back to Czech. 

 

Miki X

 

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